addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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