So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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