She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my shit smells like andre
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
