I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
