Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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