your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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