State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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