A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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