i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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