dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
