He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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