If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
