Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
