I hate all girls vehemently.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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