Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
