is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
