Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
BRING THE BAGELS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
