My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
