I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
