you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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