i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
