I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
