no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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