you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
