Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
