just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
