why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
