walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
