Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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