he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
