The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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