Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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