'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
