Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
