Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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