i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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