His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
