thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
