ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
