Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
