i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
