I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
