Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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