You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
