If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
