I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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