I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
