i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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