I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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