All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
