now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
