I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My feet surprised me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
