Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
